The Perfect Apple Thingy

I’ll start off at the oldest apple product I can think of and work my way forward.

The Newton eMate 300.  ARM based touch screen system.  Kinda like the brand new iPhones but from 1997.  Featured things like a stylus and a keyboard.  Things Apple thinks they are above now.  Still had an apple key too.

The Macintosh Portable.  So I’m already out of crono order, eat a dick.  Way back in 1989 if you had to have this bad boy then you’re a sucker because in 1990 they made it with a backlit screen.  Featured crap like instant on because of some crap called SRAM.  I think it had an integrated battery that once it was dead the system would no longer power on.  But it was the 90′s so it was only a little bit of suck besides the trackball.  It was the first mac to have a feature that to this day still saves peoples asses with the new macs.  Disk Mode!  SCSI disc mode was a trick you could pull off with some extra software, then you could make your $6500 portable computer a $6500 external hard drive.

There was the Network Server 500.   Released in February of 1997 and discontinued later in February of 1997 I bet because it just sucked so hard.  It had a plus side though.  UNIX.  What was it good for?  Boat anchor?  Door stop?  I don’t care, it ran UNIX, make it bake you a damn cake.

The PowerBook Duo.  It was like an external drive that you took between home and work but you could also use it in between as a netbook.  Apple did kinda start that mini laptop revolution back in 1992.  It was smaller that a sheet of paper but almost 1.5 inches thick.  But the Macbook Air is bigger than a piece of paper, also they both only had one target customer.  Rich assholes that wanted a Mac that looks cool but don’t actually have anything to do with the laptop.  I do kinda miss my old macbook air that had to be replaced by apple twice.  Here’s the stupid pic in the dock like most people left it.  I remember a customer at MacTechPro years ago that didn’t know the duo was removable.

The first iPod with the dock connector.  WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE 4 BUTTONS DOING THERE???  Why not some fancy touch pad like the firewire 400 model before it?  Assholes.

And the iPod Shuffle second gen.  Well all the shuffles really.  Too cheap to get a real MP3 player from any company so you want a fancy apple one that does nothing really.  Is it on?  Who knows.

One day I’ll find my perfect dream apple product but so far I just can’t find it.  Also, I’ve had every product listed above.  All were donated to me, they all sucked.

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